The HiPo Lounge

So it's like, a blog about me. And my notions about some things.

Location: Seattle, Washington, United States

I'm, like, direct.

Monday, April 28, 2008

The Reunion of the Known and the Unknown

That there up above is a line from a Bright Eyes song called "Lime Tree." If you don't know this song, you should listen to it. Even if you hate Bright Eyes, you should listen to it. It's a beautiful song, and it's the one thing that's contextualizing my life right now. Read: this ONE song is the soundtrack for everything that's going on with me right now with my job, my relationships, etc. Everything. It's from the album Cassadaga. If you listen to it, you will understand quite perfectly my state of mind. (I should tell you that there's an abortion reference, or what I think is an abortion reference {or maybe it's a miscarriage reference, I don't know} and it should be noted quite clearly that I have *not* had an abortion {or a miscarriage} recently or ever. But the sentiments in the song are what I want you to pay attention to: the duality that is so goddamn consistent and inherent in human nature.)

I'm in such a weird space in my life. I don't know how to tell you about it. So much of it has to do with this career I'm trying to build, and I can't talk about it. Because it's confidential. And because it means so much to me, it has to remain confidential. Because I care. Because I finally, for the first time in my life, really, really, really, really, really care about a job. And love it the way most people (many of you guys) love your kids. It's a thing I want to grow and nurture and inform and make special. I love it so much that it's taking me away from you all. It's taking me away from this blog. And Good Christ! I miss y'all! I miss y'all so much it hurts! And I want to make this blog something special, too, but I have to focus on the job first right now. Because I have to believe in it, even during the dark hours (tonight is dark hours time, unfortunately. But that could change tomorrow.)

But can I tell you something that I know I can tell you? That doesn't have to be confidential? From last Thursday until late Sunday afternoon, I got to be a co-director on a film shoot for my company. I was allowed to make movies! Just little silly movies for my company. Not a big deal. But SUCH a big deal to me. To be on a set, to be adjusting lighting, to be monitoring the sound, to be giving suggestions on how people should act, to be working in such a collaborative environment with colleagues who are Oh So Brilliant! I can't tell you the high I experienced from Thursday to Sunday. It was so much more powerful than any drug you could ever conceive of (though I hear crack is quite popular.) It was absolutely one of the most amazing experiences I've ever had. Or ever will have. And for that, I am eternally grateful. No matter what happens. With anything in my life.

To quote another line from that same song from Bright Eyes, I feel lost AND found with every step I take right now. So we'll see how that pans out for me. Really, go listen to the song (I'd provide a link, but am exhausted and have to sign off after posting this.) It will be way less cryptic than this post is, in a way. The song, I mean.

I will keep you updated as best I can. And I really do miss you all. But I'm keeping tabs on you all and know that you're all basically okay. Right? Let me know if that's not the case. Because maybe we can commiserate.



Blogger caty said...

How wonderful that your job is so fulfilling. So, if you believe in Karma, i really think you paid your dues with all your shorty-term jobs and so, my dear, enjoy the karmic humming that is sent your way right now. I'm so happy for you!
On a side note, I wish my kid would be so awesome now but he is being such a huge whiner that i wish i had a cool job to escape to right at this moment (it's my day off). Can i trade him in until he turns three?

8:28 AM  
Blogger molly_g said...

Dude, I love that song. But we need to talk now. Like, NOW.

10:42 AM  
Blogger Diane said...

Wow, a movie that's very exciting. Glad your happy, excited and doing well.

7:02 PM  
Blogger molly_g said...

Hey, let's try to write a new post during the month of June, kay? I'll do it if you do.

9:38 PM  

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