The HiPo Lounge

So it's like, a blog about me. And my notions about some things.

Location: Seattle, Washington, United States

I'm, like, direct.

Saturday, February 02, 2008

The Break-Up Letter

Dear Camel Lights (and alternately, Parliament Lights),

I always knew that I would have to write this letter. The time came sooner than I expected, and this saddens me, but nonetheless, this letter has to be written tonight.

Tomorrow will be our last day together. I'm so sorry, but I've got to end it somewhere, and it seems like the end of the NFL season is the best time. We can enjoy the Superbowl together (go Giants) and the rest of the evening tomorrow, but I won't be able to see you after that. It would just be too difficult.

I know. You want to know what went wrong. Where you came up short. Why I'm cruelly turning my back on you. I owe you some explanations for this sudden change in our relationship. I will try to answer some of your questions.

The truth is, this hasn't been working for me for quite some time. My clothes smell like smoke, and I'm embarrased to be around people who don't smoke. I have a bit of a smoker's cough. My gums are, I'm sure, not in the best shape. There's tar on my teeth. I don't even want to think about what my lungs might look like right now. You take up more than a fair share of my time, and what am I really getting out of it? That sweet surge of nicotine only goes so far, and I'm always left wanting more. So really, how is this a win-win scenario? You're getting all the good stuff, and I'm not reaping any of the benefits.

We've been together for 14 long years. That's the longest relationship I've had thus far in my life. Saying goodbye to you is killing me. But alas, I know it must be done. Can we remember the good times for a moment? Remember the night we met? I was with clove cigarettes at that point, but you quickly won me over. And that road trip down to San Diego before we started college together? Man, we could not keep our hands off of each other. (At least we always had a consistent sex life, huh?) I'll never forget all the hard times you got me through. Leaving Seattle to move to Austin. Moving from Austin to come back to Seattle, which nearly killed me. All the deaths and break-ups and lost friendships and carnage in between. You've been there, right by my side, through it all. And for that, I thank you.

I must also thank you for all the friends you've made me. You have so many faults, yet your charisma has bonded me to so many wonderful people. But my bond with those people is set in stone whether you are there or not, so I feel comfortable walking away from you without losing them along the way. Please don't be offended by that. I'm only being honest here tonight.

I just need to move on. Our relationship has been so unhealthy, Camel Lights (or alternately Parliament Lights.) I have such a love/hate feeling about you at this point, and no one needs that sort of radical imbalance in life. I need to start thinking about being with someone who equally considers my needs. I can't meet anyone new if I don't give you up. So it goes.

Goodbye, Camel Lights (or alternately, Parliament Lights.) I will miss you (both physically and psychologically) more than you will ever know. Let's just enjoy the next 28 or so hours together, if we can. And then, it will be over.

Yr Love, but no more,

Leslie Dillinger

(P.S. Readers? If you could leave me an encouraging comment about quitting smoking, that would rock my world. You know, so I'll have something to read when I want to stab myself in the neck because I want a cigarette so badly. I appreciate your support during this difficult time.)



Blogger Hungarian Great Bela Tarr. said...



9:51 PM  
Blogger Leslie Dillinger said...

Thanks, Bela. Hearts.

10:24 PM  
Blogger ARB said...

This is your best post ever - so clever!

Um, this is pretty loo-la to say, I guess, but I find yogic breathing really helps me fend off cravings.

You can do it for sure, buddy! I bet it'll be a lot easier than you think.


10:36 PM  
Blogger shannou said...

This letter rocks. And I know you can do it!

I'll be your own personal cheerleader whenever you need it. I'd even buy pom poms for you. No, seriously. Dude, seriously. Pom fucking poms.

11:22 PM  
Blogger Alison said...

I think you left out the Winstons.

Baby, I'm proud of you. You're super strong. No more of this codependent shit. Strong and independent and healthy for you and the puppy.

Now. Let's do a shot and reminisce about the good times. Maybe we should try planning that double wedding again...

12:19 AM  
Anonymous Aubrey said...

Best of luck... quitting and breaking up both lick balls. Go Leslie! I'll join you in some form of "quitting" TBD soon. Miss you, hope all is well.

2:43 PM  
Blogger molly_g said...

You can totally do it. I am generally awake when you are awake so please call me and I'll help you think of distracting things to do instead.

Love you, support you, you are doing the right thing.

10:39 PM  
Blogger Laura said...

I just read this article and I know it doesn't really apply to your life right now, but it's still just another reason to not smoke:

Anyway, it's awesome that you're doing this! Go you! (and if you do take up swimming, it's really good for your lungs so you can start to repair any damage you've done)

1:10 PM  
Blogger caty said...

Girl, I am so proud of you! You can rock this. Look, Brendan cut his long hair the week before i met him. I swear, if i had met him with his ponytail, i don't think i would have wanted to jump his bones in the way that i did with his new 'do.
So what i'm sayin' is: you never know who or what might be around the corner, ready to jump your bones, either metaphorically or literally, with you smelling as sweet as your natural smell and being as gorgeous and healthy as you can be. by no means am i implying that you are not already gorgeous--and you, honestly, never smelled much like a smoker to me, which i have always marveled at).

In any case, i am really impressed with your cold turkey thing. They say to replace smoking with something, i am hoping for your sake that it's really hot sex.

4:38 PM  
Blogger Diane said...

I wish you the best of luck. Workout when you can and watch the snacking. I've had friends that gained tons of weight while trying to quit as they replaced smoking with munching.

Though, I feel a few extra pounds is much healthier than smoking.

Hang tough.

5:39 PM  
Blogger Laura said...

Okay, maybe you don't want any more articles to read, but this is a good one and may actually apply to you :);_ylt=AnkW0tMCBGsXyXhrDFSsLUMDW7oF

11:57 AM  
Blogger Leslie Dillinger said...

Thanks for all the support, y'all! I appreciate it! I haven't caved yet, we'll see how it goes.

Laura, thanks for the articles, but they keep disappearing before I can read them! But I'm down to read any literature you send over :)

12:40 PM  
Blogger Laura said...

Well the basic gist of the first article was that babies born of smoking mothers are more likely to die of SIDS and the second article talked about how smokers have a harder time sleeping than non-smokers (can't fall asleep easily and have trouble staying asleep).

8:03 AM  
Blogger Mr Lady said...

Dude, you rock.


You know I just can't let them go myself. You know how i hold on to cold, dead relationships with a death grip.


Also, I am missing you. Just throwing it out there.

9:09 AM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home